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How To Overcome Insecurity And Jealousy In A Relationship


Love lasts and lasts forever. That is a common belief, but it may not always be true. While in some cases the love grows deeper and embraces understanding and acceptance, in others, it could take an entirely different turn and lead to negative emotions such as insecurity and jealousy.

 Your partner may be just the same as before, but the way you look at things must have changed. You may feel insecure seeing his career growth, or his ways of socializing. These are feelings that need to be nipped at the bud lest they turn into a monster and take a toll on your relationship. Here are some tips and ideas to pull you out of your troubled times.

How To Get Over The Feeling Of Insecurity In Your Relationship:

One of the main reasons for feeling insecure in a relationship is the loss of self-esteem. If your partner is busy and is unable to give you sufficient time, or if you are devoid of one-to-one interaction, it could invite trouble. You may feel that you are not good enough for your partner, and he is doing you a favor by being with you. These thoughts are extremely negative, not just for you but for the overall relationship. Here are some things that can help you against such negativity.

1. Do not assume:

One of the first things you would do when you feel insecure is to imagine what your partner may be thinking. This is bad because not only would you add negative thoughts in your head, but also not communicate your feelings to him. Due to the reduced communication between the two of you, there may be times when you would form baseless assumptions about your partner.
Instead of confronting your partner about issues that concern you, you would start thinking about what your partner meant with that text message, or how your partner’s tone changed while speaking to you and what it could have meant, or what your partner may be thinking or feeling.
It is possible that you dropped a message, and he did not revert. There could be many reasons for this. May be he was busy or forgot to respond or did not feel the need to respond. Just because there was no reply, does not mean that he is ignoring or avoiding you.

2. Maintain a healthy communication and be honest:

One of the worst things that sets off insecurity in a relationship is the lack of communication. Instead of letting it affect your relationship, make sure you communicate your feelings and emotions honestly. Remember that not everyone will think and feel the same way about a situation.

What affects you in a certain way may not affect your partner in the same way and vice versa. When it comes to talking about your feelings, it is very important that you share it honestly with him. It will help your partner understand you better and create fewer reasons for miscommunication or a resulting insecurity in the relationship. You may not be comfortable with your partner staying out late at nights or his interaction with the opposite sex at parties might irritate you.
You must talk to him about them, so he knows what upsets and hurts you. You could discuss this in a non-argumentative way and keep your demands or expectations reasonable. You could tell your partner that after spending time at the party with others, he can come over and spend some time with you as well. This is a reasonable expectation. But if you ask your partner to stop spending time with friends or not talk to anyone else, then it is not a reasonable expectation.
When you feel low or less loved in your relationship, make sure you talk about it with your partner instead of keeping it all to yourself. Not discussing will make matters worse as your partner might just not know that something is wrong.
This may worsen the situation, and things may go out of hand. While you don’t have to tell your partner that you are feeling insecure, do mention that you would love to spend more time together. If there are instances where you feel unloved or unimportant, talk about it honestly with your partner.

3. Have a life:

Yes, you love your partner and want to spend all free your time with him. But is this what he too wants? Sometimes, this could suffocate him. Remember that having a life of your own is as important as staying connected with your partner.
Being in touch with your friends, spending time in some activity or hobby or just relaxing will help you clear your thoughts. It will also help you understand how you feel in the relationship and how you can make it more meaningful. Taking some time out clears the air and gives your perspective. It will allow you to think why you are feeling insecure and what troubles you.

4. Build the trust within:

Trust is a big thing, and you must learn to build it. When you lose faith and trust in your partner, you doubt him for every thing. This begins the cycle of mistrust, doubt, insecurities and more. Unless you have had any reason to doubt your partner in the past, stay away from from such thoughts.
Just because your partner spends a lot of time away from you, without giving too many explanations, you cannot conclude that he is cheating on you (unless you have some strong proof). It is possible that your partner is busy with work or wants to spend time with friends to let off steam, both of which are good to keep your relationship healthy and happy.
Do not try to spy on your partner as it will not only increase your insecurity but also make your partner feel stifled. Remember the time when you fell in love with him and wanted to be in a relationship? If you feel insecure or doubt your partner, remind yourself of all the positive things that attracted you towards him.

5. Perfection is not true:

No relationship is perfect and thinking that you can create one for yourself is like living in a dream. Arguments are common in a relationship, and they help see the other person’s perspective as well. You may not have to agree with one another, but you can respect your partner’s point of view.
Chasing after a perfect relationship can cost you your current happiness. Everyone has a bit of positive and negative. Just like you have your follies, your partner would have them too. The sooner you understand this, the better it is for you.

Dealing With Jealousy In Your Relationship:

The other negative emotion that can often harm an otherwise happy and healthy relationship is jealousy. It is possible that either you or your partner is the jealous kind. Whatever the situation, here are a few tips that you can use to overcome jealousy.

  1. Understand the reason behind the emotion: Jealousy does not always mean that your partner is upset with or insecure about you. Sometimes, jealousy can stem from deep love. To understand how you can deal with a jealous partner, or your own jealousy, understand the reason behind that.
  1. Build more trust: Instead of getting worried each time your partner is with someone or goes out without you, have confidence in him. If your partner loves you, spending time with someone else will not lessen that love. However, if you continue to be jealous and become overly clingy or insecure, it can definitely tear your relationship apart.
  1. Value Yourself: There are times when you feel that your partner is too good for you and you are not worthy of your partner, especially when there are so many amazing people out there. Instead of losing confidence in yourself, build on your strengths and and start loving yourself.
  1. Get a different perspective: Instead of analyzing your relationship on your own, look at it from an outsider’s perspective. Imagine the situation is something that your friend is going through and then take a look at it. How would you have reacted? Would you have felt that your friend or the partner was being unnecessarily jealous? What would you suggest your friend did in that situation? When you look at the situation from a different perspective, it will give you a fresher and clearer approach.
  1. Healthy flirting is good for a relationship: If your partner flirts with others in a casual and fun way but always comes back to you, there is nothing to worry or feel jealous about. Some healthy flirting is good for your relationship. It will help to keep the spark alive and can be a fun way to rekindle the romance.
  1. It is mostly your imagination: It is possible that you imagine the worst scenarios and are always worried that your partner is doing something behind your back. But just because it is in your head, does not mean it is real. Like they say that an idle mind is a devil’s workshop, do not think of ‘what if’ scenarios if you have nothing to do. Invest your time in a good class or activity so that you can make better use of your time.
  1. Spot the trigger: If you constantly feel jealous of your partner, try to understand what triggers the feeling. If you have wanted to ignore those feelings but they are getting back to you often, then find the source of such emotions.
Once you realize what is making you jealous, (for instance, an overly friendly colleague, your partner’s late nights, your partner not taking calls when you are around), speak to your partner about it. If your partner gives you a convincing explanation, take it. If you are not convinced, maybe you should sit down for a proper ‘talk’.

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